


but you ain’t leaving without a fight, and i think that i am just as torn inside

by KayCeeCruz



Series: Love's Tender Refrain [6]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-28
Updated: 2011-11-28
Packaged: 2017-10-26 15:24:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/284838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayCeeCruz/pseuds/KayCeeCruz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Excerpts of Brian and Justin's life.</p><p>This is a ten part series inspired by this meme I saw floating around. The gist of it was: put your iTunes on shuffle, and write a drabble based on each of the first ten songs that play. Don’t linger when the song is over, this is an exercise. Though this series ranges in length from drabblish to ficlet to not so ficlet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	but you ain’t leaving without a fight, and i think that i am just as torn inside

_But you ain’t leaving without a fight, and I think that I am just as torn inside.  
(Where I Stood - Missy Higgins)_

 

6.

 

It was a joke that went around every other Sunday dinner. The club boy that was tamed by the twink. They would pick the perfect moment when Brian was relaxed to bring it up and each time he would have to endure the sympathies. Their silent apologies that Justin had left him for bigger and, in a few minds, better.

As the weeks passed, those feelings changed and they longer felt bad for him. They were proud because Brian hadn’t given up. They were proud because Justin kept holding on.

The truth in all that was that neither of them had handled it as well as it seemed.

When Justin didn’t return home that first weekend, Brian had told himself, he knew it would be this way. When Justin called to reschedule, he made up an excuse, telling him he needed time to settle. After three weeks, the emails petered away just enough that he told himself it was a relief. They hadn’t dragged it out longer. Hadn’t let it become more painful.

When the phone rang, he didn’t pick up.

So, it was shock and, if he admitted it, more than a little pleasure that came over him when the loft door slide open and there stood Justin. Disheveled, pissed off and beautiful. His bag fell on the floor with such force that Brian actually flinched.

He stood at the kitchen counter, fork in hand, staring.

“Listen here, you son of a bitch.” Justin pointed at him, eyes blazing, chest heaving…

Brian wasn’t sure he’d ever looked so good.

“I didn’t leave you here, secure in how much I love you, sure we could make it work because _Jesus fucking Christ_ you’d finally opened up to me, to have you stop taking my calls and start pretending we don’t exist.”

Brian opened his mouth to say something but shut it at Justin’s expression.

“And don’t tell me this is for my own good because that’s bullshit. My own good is you. Okay? No matter where the fuck I end up, it’s you. You got that?”

Brian nodded and Justin took a deep sigh, releasing it slowly. “Good. Now I’m taking a shower because taking a Greyhound is disgusting and something I only endure for you, you bastard.” He paused on his way towards the bathroom to stare at him. “You coming?” He didn’t wait for an answer and Brian watched him disappear into the other room.

Hours later when Brian had pulled out his ticket to New York, Justin had stared in disbelief and then began to laugh.

 

###

 

It was how they worked.

He could tell them all that.

Tell them that when Justin stopped calling him six months into his stay in New York, Brian had almost lost it completely. That when the only communication they had was sporadic emails, he had gotten into his car, without a word to anyone, and driven six hours to Justin’s front door.

Which turned out was no longer Justin’s front door.

Frantic and about as close to a public queen out as he would allow, he had searched until he’d found Justin staying with some friends.

When Justin saw him in the door way, he’d grinned but then realizing where he was, he had the sense to look more than a little guilty. “I’m sorry. I would have told you but I wanted to work it out by myself.”

Brian’s teeth had clenched and calmly he’d told Justin to get his things, all his things, and come with him. The look on his face must have been convincing enough because Justin had given no argument.

“I was going to tell you.”

“I’m sure.”

“Once I’d found a place.”

Sitting in the a suite at the Four Seasons, everything had seemed a little more calm. More settled. Brian could think and the anger could seep through even more. And as Justin went to speak again he cut in.

“So I guess all that crap, you always tell me - that we’re in this together, that we’re partners - is just that, right, crap?”

Justin sighed, turning with arms cross. “No. It isn’t.”

Brian let out a snort, shaking his head.

“Brian...”

“Shut up. If it was me, if I was keeping something like this from you - you wouldn’t let me get away with it. I would hear speech after speech about trust, and relationships and all that shit that annoys the fuck out of me but that I actually participate in because of you.”

Justin held up a hand to ward off anymore arguments. “Brian...”

“Let me finish! I hate that you involve yourself in my business when there’s a problem but I let you. I hate that I look to you for it now. I hate that I can’t make a decision about the house right away because you’re not right there to talk about it. I hate that when something happens, good or bad or mediocre, you aren’t there. I fucking hate the distance.”

“I know that.”

“But it’s what you needed. It’s what’s right for you. So regardless of whether it’s right for us, whatever us entails, we did it. We made the decision and you came here. But you promised you’d ask for help when you needed it. You made me that one promise. And you broke it.” The silence that followed was filled with old wounds of the same kind.

Justin sighed, rubbing one hand over his eyes. “Brian. Did you bring your laptop?”

“What?”

“Did you?”

“I don’t know what the hell that has to do with anything but yes.”

“Check your email.”

And there he found an email from Justin, sent not twelve hours earlier, explaining the situation and asking for Brian’s help. Reluctantly.

When he looked up at Justin’s grinning face, he scowled. “Fuck you.”

“Hey.”

“I just sounded like a fucking nag.”

“Oh, no. I thought it was sweet.” Justin’s arms encircled his neck and Brian moved away when Justin kissed his cheek. “You coming here with a speech. It wasn’t bad either.”

Brian had chosen that moment to shut Justin up.

 

###

 

If anyone asked them how they did it, they couldn’t say.

They just did.

It wasn’t easy. Everyone assumed they had broken up and gotten back together several times since Justin had left.

They would never guess that once that decision had been made - once they were in it together - it was their choice to make it work.

Brian glanced up when Emmett started to tell the story again. How bad Brian Kinney and the little twink that could had come to be.

He smiled when he locked eyes with Justin across the room.

If only they knew...

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback loved and appreciated. Leave here or at [LJ](http://freakykat.livejournal.com/155405.html?mode=reply#add_comment)


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